Kurosaki-sensei's English Lessons
by Dosudro
Summary: Ichigo uses his love of Shakespeare to move on to being an English lecturer. Follow along for lessons in mastering some of the easier mistakes to make with English grammar. AU / Teaching Focus / Short Story status confirmed. Will attempt to balance story and teaching foci.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Normally I put the AN at the end, but I m going to start placing it at the top from now on. I had this idea a few weeks ago. I intended to make this a back and forth between Ichigo and Uryu, arguing over proper usage and the best way to present the information, but that's when I realized that I'd quickly lose focus while trying to keep their banter going. So here is a taste of what I'd like to do. Use a little humor, a likeable character and present the information in what I believe to be an easy to understand format.**

**Yes, this is actually me attempting to teach other writers proper American English grammar and word usage. I do use my talents as a Beta also. I'm not the best with teaching the intricacies of the English language, but I do possess a much better understanding that the vast majority of writers I've seen in the Bleach/Mahouka/R+V and their related XOver sections.**

**Did that last line sound a little presumptuous? Yes, yes it was. It's still true, just take a good long look at all the errors out there. Not taking the time to proofread is no excuse. With all that said, and likely a few people upset, please read and pass this along to people you think need a little help with grammar and syntax.**

**I will use the responses to determine whether or not I should keep this going.**

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Lesson 01

"Alright everyone, listen up. My name is Kurosaki Ichigo. Before anyone asks, no it does NOT mean Strawberry! Please look at the board behind me." At this Ichigo points over his shoulder to the whiteboard with his given name written in kanji. "As you can see, it uses the characters for "one" and "protect". Thus my name means "One who protects." Now that we've got that settled, I'd like to officially welcome you to my lecture.

As you should all know, this lecture is on English writing and composition. I will not be answering any questions during my lecture, nor will I tolerate disturbances.

Learning English is a necessity for anyone looking to go into all kinds of careers, with business management being one of the most in demand. I learned English as part of my major, English Literature. I'm sure others here will be learning English to work in foreign relations or even international trade. Since this lecture assumes you have a solid grasp of the basics of English, I'll be focusing on common mistakes and good writing habits."

[Homophones]

Ichigo points out the very large written word on the whiteboard. "Homophones are words that sound the same and can even be written the same way, but mean completely different things. To cite the exact entry in the Oxford Dictionary:

"Each of two or more words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, origins, or spelling, e.g., _new_ and _knew_."

The most widely used example of homophones would be; to, too and two. All three words are said the exact same way, but each carries a completely different meaning from the other.

Let's start with "to." "To" is a preposition and is mostly used to express motion, direction or location. Like this:

[I am going to the store.]

The word "to" in this sentence is used to answer the question, "Where are you going?", "to the store."

Using "too" is where most people make their mistakes. "Too" is an adverb and as such is used to modify another word or group of words, it can also be used as a synonym for the word "also." Like these:

[He was going too fast.]

[I am going too!]

In the first example, "too" is being used to describe how fast he was traveling. In the second it is used in place of the word "also," and can easily be replaced with "also" as well.

The final word in that group is "two." "Two" is used in reference to the number. Like this:

[I'd like two tickets for the show.]

"Two" should not be used in any other way than as a reference to the number, thus "two" in this sentence is telling us how many tickets are being requested.

Now, I'm going to go into another set of commonly misused homophones; there, their and they're.

"There" is an adverb and is used to specify in, at or to a location or position. It can also be used to indicate the existence of something. Like these:

[I'm not going in there!]

[Well, there were four of them.]

"There" is the location being referenced in the first example. In the second, "there" is used to express that four of them existed.

"Their" is used to indicate possession almost exclusively. Like this:

[Their dog was barking.]

There really is nothing much to say other than, "their" is used to show whose dog was barking.

"They're" is the contraction used for "they are." It's that simple. Now I'll use a short sentence with all three used in their proper forms:

[They're going there in their car.]

"They're" is used to show who is going, they are. "There" is used to show where they are going. Finally "their" is used to show whose car they used.

If you can master these two homophones then you'll be able to avoid a great many errors in written English."

Ichigo looks up to see an almost completely zoned out lecture hall. "Am I boring you? These simple errors account for the most errors in all papers or stories written in English at this time. I'm sorry that it's not exciting, but taking the time and effort to get the little things right is key in showing your worth."

Giving just a moment to let that last comment sink in, Ichigo walks out of the lecture hall. Confusion is about the only thought going on right now. Some get up and leave almost immediately, grumbling about a lack of professionalism. Others mill about, waiting for him to return. Only a few bother to head to the board and look at the examples more closely. At the bottom of the board could be seen:

Next topic; Grammar and common punctuation errors.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Wow. I am amazed that my first chapter got such a great response! Thank you all who reviewed and PM'd me with suggestions. I hope this chapter meets your expectations. Please do not expect daily chapters, I just felt that I had to turn this one out after all the views and encouragement.**

**Please enjoy!**

_**Italics are for internal thought.**_

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Lesson 02

Kurosaki Ichigo found himself in a rather odd and potentially devastating career situation. Here he was leaning his head against a wall, just outside the lecture hall where he was supposed to be giving his first guest lecture. The problem? He'd just stormed out of said lecture after seeing the complete disinterest on the majority of the faces in the hall. _Smooth Ichigo, real smooth. You finally get your first guest lecture request, the very first step to becoming a full-time professor, and you go and lose your cool barely halfway through. Get it together man. You had to suck it up and allow that stuck up Ishida to make a few calls looking for openings, do not let him get another leg up on you by failing this miserably. _Ichigo banged his head into the wall a few times to psyche himself up, completely oblivious to the stares from the passersby.

_Okay, get back in there._ Stepping away from the wall, Ichigo recognized a few of the people walking away from him as former lecture attendees. _Great, let's go see how bad the damage is._ As he walked back into the lecture hall he fought to maintain a neutral expression. A little over half the attendees had left and most of the rest were just milling about. A very small minority were gathered near the whiteboard looking over his examples. They looked up at him as he approached. _These three are actually looking over my work, I guess that's promising. _He made a wave motion with his hand indicating they should return to their seats.

"Okay, I'd like to apologize for that little outburst just now." His voice easily carried throughout the now, much emptier, hall. Once he was sure he had everyone's attention, he continued. "I am sorry. This is actually my very first lecture appearance, and I guess I let my nerves get to me a bit. It is highly likely that this will also be my last appearance, so let's at least get finished with the lecture topics."

Ichigo pointed back to the board where the "HOMOPHONES" was written in large letters. "I had intended to finish my "homophone" topic with the words your and you're. Together with to, too and two; and there, their and they're, they make up the most common word substitution errors found throughout all English writing.

The word, "your" is the possessive version of the word "you". Like this:

[I like your smile.]

"Your" is used to show whose smile is liked. Nothing too fancy with that one.

"You're" is the contraction used to indicate "you are". Like this:

[You're the best!]

You can easily replace the "you're" with "you are" and not lose the original meaning of the sentence.

That wraps up my discussion on "homophones". Thanks to me wasting a good bit of time, I'm not going to get to touch on grammar and punctuation as much as I'd like, so I'll take a stab at just one aspect of punctuation. "Apostrophes and commas".

An "apostrophe" is used to join a pair of words in a conjunction or at the end of a word to indicate possession. Like this:

[Let's go pick up Tom's dry cleaning on our way.]

The word "let's" is a conjunction of "let us" and the "apostrophe" is used to join them, whereas the word "Tom's" is a possessive version of the person who owns the dry cleaning in the sentence. The common mistake here is for the omission of the "apostrophe" in "let's".

If we change the example to look like this:

[Marcus' dog is on the loose again.]

Notice how the "apostrophe" is at the end of "Marcus"? Most of the time you will use an "apostrophe" followed by an "s" to indicate possession, like in the previous example of "Tom's" dry cleaning. When a word ends with an "s" though, you will place the apostrophe at the end and not add another "s". Now, some of you may be thinking that it's totally fine to use the "'s" after "Marcus", and you aren't incorrect. Both methods are accepted, you just have to pick the version that you are most comfortable with and stick with it. If you turn in a paper with a mixture of only an "apostrophe" and the "'s" after words that end with "s", you WILL receive demerits and will likely be forced to redo the entire thing. The key here is consistency. Pick ONE WAY and stay true to it."

Ichigo glances at the clock hanging at the back of the hall. "Okay, since I'm almost out of time, I'll keep the "comma" discussion very short.

A "comma" is used to indicate a short pause in a sentence and to list items in a sequence. It is also used to break up very large numbers, but that's not the focus for this lecture. Here's an example of a short pause:

[You wouldn't want to be left out in the rain, now would you?]

The "comma" is used to join the sentence fragment of "now would you" into the larger sentence that it references, "you wouldn't want to be left out in the rain". "Now would you" cannot stand on it's own, thus we add it into the other sentence with the "comma".

This is an example of a list of items:

EX 1: [I went to the store for eggs, cheese and bacon.]

EX 2: [I went to the store for eggs, cheese, and bacon.]

Notice how there is a difference between the two examples? There is contention between which method is actually "correct." There are some styles of writing, journalistic for example, that strongly discourage the usage of a "comma" before the and as seen in EX 2. Journalism writing prefers that you use EX 1 and omit the "comma". Other styles of writing actually make the "comma" usage in EX 2 mandatory. These styles are often professional writing, like governmental paperwork, or scientific works. Unlike the "apostrophe" situation from before, you MUST use the "comma" style that is called for based on what kind of writing you are doing. If you are unsure, research the punctuation rules for the style of writing you are expected to perform.

Thank you for your time everyone. I hope you've all managed a better grasp on the finer points of English word usage and punctuation. I know this was an elective lecture for all of you, but further studies into English will help you in just about any career you choose to pursue." Ichigo steps off to the side of the podium he was speaking from and bows to what remains of his lecture group. Straightening from his bow, he notices the three from before approaching him while most of the others are filing out of class.

The most easily noticeable of the three is a large, dark skinned foreigner with shaggy hair. After him, there are two females, as different as night and day. One of them sported spiky black hair and walked with a very determined gait, the other had long auburn hair and seemed very timid, standing just behind the slightly shorter woman.

"Can I help you three?" Ichigo questioned with a small smile on his face. He was genuinely shocked that anyone would want to talk to him after his earlier performance.

"Arisawa Tatsuki, Kinesiology major and captain of the local karate club. Behind me is Inoue Orihime, she's in the cooking program. And tall, dark and silent here is Yasutora Sado, Music Theory and plays guitar at local clubs as a side gig. We'd like to thank you for your lecture. Most speakers here drone on and on and pretty much ignore the class, or they have no passion about their subject and just make everyone self-study. It really was a pleasant experience to listen to someone with such a strong attachment to their topic. Thank you!" After saying her piece, Tatsuki performed a short bow while Sado just smiled and gave Ichigo a thumbs up. Orihime smiled very shyly and even sported a hint of a blush after getting caught in a light daze from Ichigo's small smile.

"Thank you. I'm glad to have been helpful, though I'm not sure about being able to do this again any time soon. I can already hear a few choice words from a friend of mine about how I handled myself. Still, I am grateful for your sentiments." After a slight nod from his head the three headed out of the hall, leaving Ichigo looking up to see an older gentleman with long, silver hair. He didn't look that old, but carried himself as someone with a great deal of poise. "I'd like to add in my own thanks as well. My name is Ukitake Jushiro, I am the current chair of the English Literature program here at Karakura College. I agree that your first performance wasn't very solid, but your passion for the topic and overall presentation was a lot better than most of our tenured professors. I'd like to hear more from you in the future, so please wait on a call from the Dean. It may be a while, but I'll put in a request to have you back." After a small nod of his head towards Ichigo, Jushiro walked out of the lecture hall.

Ichigo was, for all intents and purposes, shell-shocked. Not only had a few students actually taken the time to thank him for delivering a simple guest lecture, the **Chair of the English Lit program** actually said he'd put in a word to get him invited back! _Holy sh.., crap! AWESOME!_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Well, for starters, my apologies. I had intended to get this out sooner, but ran afoul of my lack of talent for writing character interaction. You want proof, go check out Vindicator and the companion story. I do not do interactions well. The lessons themselves? I write those on the fly and don't have much trouble at all with them. I'm not sure how much more I can put into this before my lack of writing talent kills everything but the lessons.**

_**Italics indicate internal thought.**_

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Lesson 03

Walking into the lecture hall, Ichigo saw the three waiting on him again. It's hard to miss them. The large, brown-skinned man sitting next to a petite black-haired woman and an auburn-haired beauty. They really stuck out. Ichigo was glad that he wasn't a full-time professor yet. He could still hang out with them and it not be considered a breach of the conduct policy of not fraternizing with students.

They'd hung out together a few times starting when they'd come up to him after one of his other lectures. He was invited back to deliver the same lecture a few more times for different groups. He'd noticed that they were there for quite of few of them, and a certain woman whose hair was as bright as his, was there for each one. Not that he minded, her smile really could turn just about any day into a great one. Her bubbly innocence was like a warm summer breeze blowing away all the cares of the world.

With Chad, he'd found out that they shared similar tastes in music and sitting in silence just listening to one album after another. They went to the gym a few times together and ran into Tatsuki sometimes while there. She made sure to drag him along to the local dojo and managed to 'convince' him to spar with her. He'd held his own, managing to at least go even with her, which was a pretty big deal considering she was ranked in the top three nationally in karate. Orihime though, he only ever seemed to hang out with her when Tatsuki was around. The other two he'd hung out with alone once or twice, but never with Orihime. Tatsuki pretty much served as the protective big sister and made sure that Orihime was never alone with any guys, himself included. Not a bad thing, but sometimes it's hard to really talk with someone when there are others present.

Glancing up at the clock Ichigo realized he'd just spaced out for the past two minutes. Good thing he was always early by five to ten minutes.

"Alright everyone, if you are not seated, please do so now. I can see quite a few familiar faces in the crowd, for that I thank you. This lecture is going to go over something new. This time we'll be working with mistakenly substituted words.

First up will be accept and except. It is easy to make this mistake if you are not familiar with English. While not homophones, they do sound very similar and that is where the mistake occurs.

"Accept" is a verb that describes the act of receiving something or giving consent. Like this:

EX 1 [Will you accept this token of our appreciation?]

EX 2 [He refused to accept that this was his fate.]

In the first example, "accept" is used to show that the token is something to be received. In the second example, "accept" is used to show consent. In this case the word "refused" beforehand makes it clear that consent was not given.

"Except" is a preposition that generally means to exclude. Like this:

[Except Tom, we're all going to the beach this weekend.]

Here, "except" is being used to show that Tom is not going to the beach, thus he is being excluded.

These two are mainly mixed up when someone attempts to write in English using only words that they have heard and not seen in proper use. Another thing to remember is that the "ex" in "except" is also used in "exclude" hinting at the proper meaning.

The next pair is one that is responsible for a good many mistakes, affect and effect. These two words also sound very similar, they even have rather similar usages. You have to understand the subtle differences between them to make sure that you use them correctly.

"Affect" is a verb, which means that it is used to describe an action. Like this:

[I didn't think that the wind would affect my shot that much.]

Here we see "affect" being used to indicate that the wind made the shot change from what was expected.

"Effect" is a noun and is mostly used to show the result of something. Like this:

[Pay attention to the side effects of your medication.]

"Effects" is calling out that the use of the medication can result in certain occurrences, or "side effects."

Now, to use them together to point out how similar they can be in a sentence:

[Your actions have an affect that can lead to effects, much like striking a match leads to flame.]

In this example, "affect" is the action and "effect" is the result. The second half of that sentence shows that "striking" a match causes it to "flame", so "striking" is the action or "affect" and "flame" is the result or "effect." It is quite easy to mix these two up, even for native English speakers. You just have to remember that "affect" is an action and "effect" is a result.

My last pairing for this lecture is good and well. These two sound nothing alike, but their usage is messed up so often that most don't even notice.

First off, "good" is an adjective. Looking deeper into the definition of adjective, we know that they are words that usually describe nouns by answering one of these question: "What kind", "Which one" or "How many." I'll use a few examples showing "good" as an adjective.

EX 1 [You look good.]

EX 2 [You did a good job.]

EX 3 [Your hearing is good.]

Before I point out the usage here, I'm going to go into "well" so that I can show the differences side by side.

"Well" is an adverb. Adverbs modify or describe adjectives, verbs or other adverbs. Think of answering these questions, "how", "when" or "where", when looking for an adverb. "Well" also has a specific definition that pertains to health. In that usage, "well" is always preferred. Now, let's bring our earlier examples back and add new ones using "well."

EX 1 [You look good.] EX 1 [You look well.]

EX 2 [You did a good job.] EX 2 [You did well.]

EX 3 [Your hearing is good.] EX 3 [You hear well.]

Now, you should easily notice that I used examples that were nearly identical, that is on purpose. I want to show how a simple substitution can change the meaning of a sentence.

In the first example pair we have "good", an adjective, describing the "you" as in reference to the verb "look." This sentence is going to be used when describing either beauty or appearance. "Well", an adverb, is modifying the verb "look" to show how "you" seem. In this usage, "well" is meaning health. You could also say, 'I feel well.' as opposed to 'I feel good.' "Good" implies that "you" are competent with the action "feel" in that example. Begging the question 'What are you good at feeling?'

In example 2 we have identical meanings. The word substitution here is to show that the sentences should be written differently based on the word used. Nothing too complicated with this one, both examples are used to describe a favorable result. "Good" is used to describe "your job" and its result. "Well" is describing how you "did" and its result.

In the final example we have "good" referencing "your hearing." It would be meant as a status update of your hearing, like in a checkup. "Well" is describing how "you" "hear." In this case it would be meant as the quality or level of your hearing. To sum this one up:

"Good" means your hearing is okay, think functioning, and "well" means that you have really good hearing, like certain large-eared animals."

A few chuckles and giggles escape the audience as Ichigo's drawing of a rabbit is uncovered on the far end of the whiteboard. He catches Orihime giving him a soft smile and can't help but return it.

"Alright everyone. That ends this lecture. I know it was a complicated one, but that means you should put forth extra effort to really be able to tell the difference in which words you should use."

Happy to have a few minutes extra before heading off to their next classes, most of the attendees get up and head out while Ichigo gathers his materials. It's only a minute or two before a small cough grabs his attention. Looking up he sees a sheepish Orihime standing beside a grinning Tatsuki. Chad was already gone. "Hey Tatsuki, Orihime. Need something?"

Tatsuki gives Orihime a small nudge while locking eyes with Ichigo. "She'd like to talk to you about something, and needed a little motivation. I'll be out in the hall." Ichigo turned his head to Orihime and completely missed the wink Tatsuki sent her as she walked off.

"Um… If you wouldn't mind. Maybe we could go out for lunch or something this weekend?"

Ichigo was a little surprised, but gave himself a small shake. _This is Orihime, of course she means with Tatsuki, it's just usually Tatsuki who asks._ "Of course Orihime, when should I pick you two up?"

Orihime blushed and quickly looked down. "Erm, I meant just us, as in you and me, but if you'd rather we all go toge..."

Ichigo silenced her with a small tap to her shoulder, causing her to look back up into the biggest smile she'd ever seen on his face. "Anytime you want to go out Orihime, just say so. Don't even bother to ask."

Had it not been for the quick reflexes of Ichigo, our poor Orihime would've crashed into the edge of the lecture podium. Luckily he caught her as she fell and wound up cradling her against his chest. It was at this moment Tatsuki walked back into the room.

_Oh crap..._"Um, Tatsuki, I can explain."

"Save it Ichigo, I was watching the whole time. She just let her excitement get to her. You should know by now that she's easily excitable and prone to daydreaming at any time." Tatsuki just smiled and shook her head ruefully while taking Orihime from Ichigo's arms. He instantly felt colder and missed her presence there, _Wait, what was that?_ "Don't worry about us, we'll get home fine. I'll make sure she calls to let you know when she is free."

He couldn't help but grin at the thought of a date with Orihime. Yes, it was a date. An outing between just the two of them, not at all like going to the gym or dojo with Tatsuki. He could barely restrain his own excitement.

"One last thing Ichigo, you'd better behave yourself and be gentle with her." Tatsuki's tone and face took on a very malicious edge. "She's never been on a proper date before and I expect you to be every bit the gentleman that she deserves, got that?"

All he could do was nod solemnly. He knew how well she could fight and giving her that kind of motivation might just wind up with his obituary in the paper. "I promise, Tatsuki." She stared into his eye for a few moments and after seeing what she wanted gave him a small smile and a nod as she made her way out of the lecture hall.

Ichigo watched her go while trying his very best to think up good date ideas. Needless to say, he was failing miserably.

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**AN2: For those who are wondering, no I will not be writing a date for them. I do not possess the talent needed to actually put that down in words. I wish I could though, I love IchiHime fluff. All the same, I think this will go on hiatus for a bit while I brainstorm a fitting conclusion. I'm think one or two more chapters will see it end.**


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